Cookie > Morsel

Cookie > Morsel

May 9, 2020 0 By Laura

Today I received the biggest financial blessing of my life. Literally. I applied for a small business loan through the Paycheck Protection Program that was enacted because of the coronavirus pandemic. I figured it was worth a shot and I would have only lost a few hours of time if it never panned out. But today, I had a very large deposit in my checking account. Large for me, at least.

I was absolutely shocked. In awe. Mesmerized. Amazed. All the adjectives you can think of.

But I shouldn’t have been. For a few reasons.

First, I applied for it. Duh. I filled out the paperwork, I knew I qualified, and I got help to ensure I was doing it all correctly. I got an email saying my loan was being processed, another saying it was approved, and another asking me to sign the final documents to release the funds. Yet I still wasn’t convinced the money was coming.

The second reason I shouldn’t have been shocked was that I prayed for this. I prayed BIG for this. As a single mom and a small business owner who 100% supports my kids with that money, I desperately needed this loan. It’s mostly forgivable, but even if it isn’t, I need it. So I prayed. And I know that God provides and I know that He’s good and I know that He blesses with abundance. But I still wasn’t sure I was going to get it.

And I think that’s fair, if I’m being honest. God DOES always provide, but it’s not always in the way we expect or think He should.

I was honestly frustrated at myself for being shocked, too. I felt like I should have known. I should have trusted more and I should have put my faith in my God who never fails.

I checked my bank account first thing this morning and I’ve thought all day about what the balance is. I keep seeing the exact number in my mind, as if it’s burned on my brain. Why was I so surprised?

The funniest thing about it is that I wasn’t checking my bank account to see if I got my PPP loan money, though I was anticipating that coming through soon. You know, if it actually did. I’ve been waiting for my tax return and my stimulus check for about a month now. I filed my taxes nearly 6 weeks ago and the IRS website still says they’re being processed. Without my taxes processed, I have no way of looking at the status of my stimulus check, and I don’t expect to receive it until my taxes are finished being processed.

But I checked the IRS website, as I’ve done every morning for the past few weeks, and then I checked my bank account. And there it was.

I was asking God for my tax return and my stimulus check to make ends meet. And while those will be nice chunks of money, the PPP loan is larger. I asked God for a morsel, and he gave me the whole darn cookie. He told me to wait, I trusted Him, and He gave me peace.

Now, I’d be insanely prideful and incorrect to think or say that this blessing was due to my faithfulness. I honestly wasn’t as worried about money as I normally would have been during this time, but that’s not to say everything was hunky dory in my world as of late.

I’ve struggled A LOT to stay joyful and embrace the season I’m in right now. It’s been incredibly difficult, if I’m being honest. I knew God would provide financially though, and I knew I’d be telling Him at some point that I was sorry for doubting and that I’m so thankful for His faithfulness. That day was today.

Now there are still a lot of loose ends to wrap up with the financial side of things right now, and I’ve got a laundry list of other issues that I’d love for God to intervene in. But for now, I’m so thankful for His provision and faithfulness, and I love that He’s showing off by giving me the whole enchilada when I just asked for a bite.